MerryWeather and RainSky

  Photo by Alex Dukhanov on Unsplash This Rain Sky post is about a person not there any more, and me over thinking it.  *** Full Moon Day and Grieving, 28.10.23 I have a best friend, my eldest son, who doesn’t want to see me at the moment.   He is depressed and talked to me of reaching out to people and being ignored.   But then he shuts me out.   I was willing to be there, but when I offer, I am repeatedly told no.   Which I don’t understand.   If you are lonely and want companionship and I am your best friend and I offer, but you don’t want me? That means: (a) I am the wrong companion – I am now boring, or I make your mood worse (when I thought I did the opposite); you want a girlfriend, not a friend – or a mum. (b) You are worried you will be unkind – people seem to think depression is just flat or weepy, when in fact it can be very hostile – pushing people away to prove how shit and useless you are to yourself; it’s actually monumentally...

  Before we start - pic taken by an old friend, near his Sainsburys.  Amazing sun, huh?  Anyway... It's quite amusing that I laid out what I was going to do, then didn't do anything for months! This was for 2 reasons: (a) my summer facing job just stayed busy - people at the restaurant took holidays, I was needed to ccover, as was my eldest, one of the chefs, who is wasting away for lack of holiday time off as we speak, and then there's my other job, also extremely busy, and then theres home life...and (b) I was/am overwhelmed with the amount of reading and study I've already done since the 90s - which was when I got into my spirituality in a big way. I'm a total bookworm.  If I like a subject my first thought is to buy a swathe of books about it from various angles, create a mini library and then begin.  In a sort of hither and thither slapdash way, bit of this, bit of that, on the subject.  Then, as I always know it will, my focus will change, and I'll be...

I created this blog ages ago, then sort of forgot about it, as I wasn't sure what its main theme should be.  I have another main blog, that used to have everything on it, but has now shrunk to book reviews, as I slowly lost confidence in my own meandering voice, after several years.  There's been nothing there since January this year.  That's partly because I got very busy in the physical world, and partly because I had no clue what I wanted to say.  Its not necessary that I talk for an audience, thinking aloud; but then I wondered if there were others out there feeling as lost as I have come to feel.  The strange and unsettling combination of being an introvert, an instinctive pagan (societal cues from my growing up in the 70s, sure, too), and quite lefty in a world of loud and angry rightwingers.  Cognitive dissonance on so many issues from the minute I wake to the minute I sleep. There's the cost of living crisis, which has prompted me to have to have tw...